


Life In Grey

by CarbonInsolence



Series: Life In Grey [1]
Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Angst, Ballerina Louis, Break Up, Depression, Eating Disorders, F/M, Heartbreak, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Model Harry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-05
Updated: 2015-01-30
Packaged: 2018-02-28 05:17:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 5,982
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2720057
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CarbonInsolence/pseuds/CarbonInsolence
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>One day Louis leaves Harry and never looks back. </p><p>Except Harry's world stops.</p><p>He doesn't really think it's ever going to start again.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Autumn

Louis leaves in early Autumn. It's September and the leaves on the trees have started to wither and die.

To be honest Harry’s known it was over for a while now. He knows when Louis arrives at Harry’s smelling of cologne that isn’t his. He knows when Louis spreads his legs for him and isn’t as tight as he usually feels. He knows the exact moment Louis falls in love with someone else.

After they finish having sex one night Harry rolls off Louis and turns onto his side to face him. Louis curls into a ball and shuts his eyes. Harry thinks he’s beautiful. He’s curvy, but small and toned. He has to be for his ballet. He’s pale but the sunset creeping in from the not quite shut curtains casts beams of light over his naked skin. His hair is dishevelled, his lips are red and swollen and he has a scattering of bruises over his neck that Harry’s not sure are from him.

Harry reckons that Louis is what angels would look like if they existed.

He opens his eyes to look at Harry and suddenly he looks so sad.

‘That was the last time,’ Louis says as they lay back in a post-orgasmic haze.

And yes, Harry’s expected this for a while now but it hurts more than he thought it would. Perhaps it’s because Louis’s been one of the few people who’s cared about him since he left Cheshire. Perhaps it’s because he never realised how much he needed to feel wanted.

‘Louis…’ he says and then stops because he doesn’t know what to say to make him stay. He doesn’t even know why Louis should stay. He’s got nothing left to offer. He’s emotionally wiped and isn’t even sure how to fix himself.

He doesn’t know if he’s even really there anymore.

‘I found someone Harry,’ Louis says softly and almost regretfully, because he knows what he’s doing. He knows he’s hurting Harry. ‘He’s wonderful.’

This was always going to happen. It wasn’t like he and Louis were together. They weren’t in a relationship. It was just convenient for both of them - or just convenient for Harry. He needed the human touch and someone to hold on the nights where it got too much. On nights when all he wants is for everything to just stop.

Louis had always been his best friend and there for Harry, so he was there for him then. But Harry knows he needs to move on. Louis has a life to live, and Harry’s been keeping him in limbo.

‘I’m glad,’ Harry says.

And in a way he is. He’s not good enough for Louis. Not really. Louis is soft and warm and gentle and he’s just… he’s just not. Louis needs someone better. This is a good thing.

‘Tell me about him,’ He asks Louis.

Louis’s face lights up and suddenly he’s off at two hundred miles per hour talking about a boy called Zayn who he met at an industry party. He’s a he’s a hip hop artist and Louis thinks he’s beautiful.

Louis tells him he’s in love.

Harry feels himself breaking apart.

-

Louis is gone in the morning. He’s left a note on his the pillow on his side of the bed thanking Harry for last night with a smiley face at the bottom of the page. Like everything was just a one night stand.

Harry doesn’t get out of bed that day.

-

Or the next.

-

His agent calls the next day telling him he’s got a new modelling jig if he wants it. It’s a perfume ad with Cara Delavigne, but it’s a risky move being photographed with someone so high up in the industry.

‘At the end of the day you have to choose what’s best for you,’ Ben says.

So Harry hangs up without saying anything because to be honest he’s never been sure what’s best for him.

He goes back to bed.

-

On the fourth day Harry gets out of bed.

He pads downstairs to get something to eat. Not much, because he has to keep losing weight, but just enough to take the edge of hunger off.

He doesn’t even make it to the fridge. He opens the cupboard to get a plate out and notices a bottle of vodka.

He’s drunk beyond belief by lunch time.

-

Niall comes round late that night.

Harry’s hunched over the toilet throwing the remaining contents of his stomach up. There isn’t any food in there, just the vodka. He feels awful. This isn’t something that’s happened since Louis swept into his life.

He barely notices Niall banging on the door and using Harry’s spare set of keys to open it.

‘Harry!’ He hears Niall yelling. ‘You in here?’

Harry groans into the toilet bowl.

‘Harry,’ Niall yells and follows the noise into the bathroom. ‘Oh Harry,’ he says when he sees him.

Harry looks over at him with blood shot eyes. ‘Louis’ went,’ Harry says in explanation.

Recognition daws on Niall’s face.

‘He doesn’t want me anymore.’ Harry says.

Niall blinks a couple of times.

Then Harry starts to cry and it just doesn’t stop.

He’s aware of Niall putting his arms around him and whispering things into his ear.

He cries onto Niall’s shoulder and wonders if Louis knows what he’s done. Maybe he should have said something earlier. Maybe he should have told him… or maybe Zayn’s just everything he can’t be anymore.

‘I love him. I love him Niall.’

‘I know Haz,’ He says.

‘I love him so much and he doesn’t want me.’


	2. Winter

Winter approaches.

Harry doesn’t get better.

Niall goes round every day to make sure he’s eating.

Harry makes himself throw up after he’s gone.

Ben calls and tells him that he has to do a photo-shoot soon. Apparently the newspapers have been crying rehab and Ben feels the need to set them straight. He then tells Harry not to cut himself. He doesn’t want to pay for laser scar removal again. Then he hangs up.

Harry goes to do what he does best. Crying about everything that’s gone wrong and drinking vodka like it’s water.

-

He does the photo-shoot slightly drunk. He’s not really sure what it’s for but he does what the director tells him and thinks it’s gone alright.

Approving comments are made by the stylist about how thin he is.

It makes Harry proud.

-

December comes and Harry meets a girl.

He’s seen her pictures on the front of magazines and he’s seen her music videos but he’s never met her in person. She’s called Taylor and she’s beautiful.

Harry’s missed the beauty of the female body and the way they’re soft and gentle and so pretty. So he takes her home and fucks her.

When he comes he thinks of Louis.

When she comes she shouts for someone called Karlie.

-

He doesn’t mention it until after Christmas.

It’s been over three month since Louis left and Harry’s still throwing up the food Niall cooks him and is still crying himself to sleep.

‘You too, huh?’ he says to Taylor.

‘Me too?’ Taylor questions. ‘What do you mean?’

‘You loved someone and they left?’ Harry says quietly. ‘And you still love them?’

Taylor fixes Harry with this vulnerable look. Harry wishes they were in love. He wishes they could fix each other.

But they can’t.

‘How do you know?’ She asks.

‘You say her name a lot,’ Harry says looking down. ‘When we have sex.’

Taylor looks at him. ‘I didn’t know.’

Harry shrugs.

‘You say his name too,’ Taylor says.

Harry looks at her. ‘I didn’t know.’

Taylor shrugs.

-

Taylor fixes herself.

Harry introduces her to Cara Delavigne, one of his closer friends in the modelling industry.

They hit it of immediately.

Over the weeks that follow Harry watches Taylor fall in love again.

The final time Harry and Taylor have sex Taylor says Cara’s name.

‘You need to tell her,’ Harry tells Taylor afterwards. ‘You need to tell her or she’ll be gone.’

‘You’ll be okay?’ Taylor says and Harry nods.

Letting Taylor go is easier than letting Louis leave.

-

The snow falls and the air turns colder that before.

Harry throws himself into his modelling. He works harder than he has before.

The newspapers comment on his weightless. Words like anorexia start being thrown about.

Harry wonders if they know what they’re talking about. Can’t they see the fat on him?

Taylor and Cara make a point of dragging him around with them, taking him to as many restaurants as possible. Harry knows what they’re doing but he doesn’t mention it.

Niall starts to stay longer after cooking for him. He starts to make excuses about why Harry shouldn’t be in the bathroom on his own.

Harry has to start running to get rid of the calories he’s absorbed from Niall staying to long.

-

In February, five months after Louis’ left Harry turns on the TV one evening and realises instantly that he’s made a mistake.

It’s the Brit Awards red carpet and Zayn Malik is arriving hand in hand with his boyfriend Louis Tomlinson.

Harry hasn’t googled Louis since he left. He’s completely stayed clear of anything to do with him because it hurts so much.

Louis hasn’t really changed. His hair is in a quiff rather than the cinnamon swirl thing that he used to do but he’s still the same old Louis.

Harry watches Zayn kiss him for the paparazzi. Louis giggles when he pulls away.

The voice over says something about how Zayn Malik’s new boyfriend is Louis Tomlinson, a Ballerina from the Royal Ballet troupes, one of the most prestigious ballet troupes in the world, who was previously linked to ‘troubled’ model Harry Styles.

At that point Harry walks out his front door. He doesn’t remember much of that night, but he feels the pounding in his head the next morning. He hears Ben yelling at him down the phone about how paparazzi have gotten pictures of him throwing up in the snow outside a club in central London.

It’s all over the tabloids.

Ben threatens rehab before hanging up.

Niall comes round later on with Taylor and Cara.

When they start talking about eating disorders and alcohol problems he throws them out.

He pulls the cork out of a wine bottle with his teeth and downs it.

He desperately wants Louis back.

-

Taylor releases her new album in late March.

She writes a song about a beautiful, broken boy who longs for the wrong person to fix him.


	3. Spring

The clouds burst in Spring and flood warnings are issued throughout the U.K.

Harry picks up the phone multiple times to call his mum but he never does. He hasn’t spoken properly to her in over a three years and he doesn’t even know if he’s welcome around her any more.

So each time he picks up the phone he puts it down again.

-

Niall gets angry after a while.

‘Why are you so sad all the time,’ He cries. ‘For god sake Harry, eat your food and stop being sad. Please just stop being sad.’

Then Niall starts to cry because he’s always cared too much. Harry forgets that sometimes. He forgets how Niall feels obligated to him. Forgets how Niall views Harry’s sadness as his own failings.

So Harry holds him and they cry together.

-

Harry tries to get his shit together for Niall.

He stops drinking completely and starts to eat at least one meal and a snack each day. Most days he doesn’t even try and throw it up.

The scales show the difference this is making.

‘Four pounds,’ Harry says one evening. ‘I put on four pounds Niall.’

Niall just congratulates him and goes back to watching the T.V.

Harry sees the smile on Niall’s face and wonders if the fat is all worth it.

-

He models for the front cover of GQ magazine’s April issue. He’s self-conscious of wearing tight clothing because of the weight he’s put on, but the stylist looks him up and down seemingly pleased.

Afterwards the stylist offers Harry her number.

Harry’s so shocked he says no without thinking.

-

When he’s in bed that night he thinks about the stylist.

She was kind of cute. Maybe he should have taken her number.

He thinks back to a time when he honestly believed he would spend the rest of his life with Louis. He’d imagined getting married in a small chapel somewhere in the country side with just a couple of friends and family. They’d get a dog and take it on long walks through the woods near the cottage that they had brought together. He’d imagined adopting some kids, two girls and a boy he had thought. They’d grow old together and fall in love over and over again.

He thought that was his future for the whole year and a half he was with Louis.

He had thought it was a sure thing.

He curls up under his duvet and feels numb. He hasn’t cried over Louis in a while but there’s this ache inside him. He longs for Louis so much it hurts.

-

He tells Niall about the stylist the next time he sees him.

‘Maybe you should get back in the whole dating game,’ Niall says. ‘Maybe it’ll be good for you. You haven’t properly dated anyone in a while.’

‘I dated Taylor,’ Harry says.

‘Friends with benefits don’t count,’ Niall says pointedly. ‘Maybe it’s time to find someone you could love.’

Before Harry can say he still loves Louis, Niall’s phone rings.

He looks at it and sighs. ‘It’s a client,’ he says. ‘Got to take this.’

Sometimes Harry forgets Niall’s got a really serious job. He just seems way too bouncy and jokey for it sometimes.

He comes back ten minutes later looking irate.

‘The little shits gone and lobbed eggs at his neighbour’s house,’ he says fuming.

Harry raises his eyebrows. ‘Who?’

‘Who’d you fucking think?’ Niall says shrilly. Then he sighs. ‘I know I get paid shit tones for this but there’s only so many times I can fight this guy’s court cases before I want to tell him to stop committing so many fucking crimes!’

-

Taylor thrusts her hand into Harry’s face. At first Harry isn’t sure what he’s looking at but he finally focuses on Taylor’s hand and-

‘Holy shit,’ He says.

Taylor looks at him wide eyed. ‘I know,’ she says. ‘Holy shit. It’s only been a couple of months.’

‘You’re getting married,’ Harry says staring at the engagement ring. ‘Oh my god.’

Taylor nods staring at the ring, looking a bit fearful.

‘This is good right,’ Harry says. ‘This is good.’

Taylor looks up at him and then breaks out into a huge grin. ‘Yeah,’ she says. ‘This is bloody brilliant.’

-

The first time Harry sees Louis since he left is at the GQ awards in April. Zayn Malik is nominated for an award and Harry’s obligated to show up since he was on one of their most recent covers.

Louis kisses him when Zayn wins the award and it’s like a slap to Harry. He’s seen them kissing once when he accidently turned on the Brit awards on T.V, but this is different. Their only about ten meters away from him.

He feels slightly sick.

After the award ceremony Harry tries to leave but Ben turns him back.

‘You have to stay,’ he says. ‘Give the press some photo’s with you and Kate Moss. It’s good PR.’

Harry doesn’t end up finding Kate. Instead he bumps into Louis.

‘HAROLD!’ Louis yells making his manager jump next to him.

Harry jumps as well. He’s forgotten how loud Louis is.

‘How are you?’ Louis is saying drawing him in for a hug. ‘Long time no see, huh?’

Harry is so startled at the physical contact. He awkwardly wraps his arms around Louis. He feels so familiar, the curve of his hips, his scent.

Louis draws back too fast.

‘How’ve you been then?’ Louis asks. ‘It’s been almost what is it now-’

‘Nine months,’ Harry says in a monotone. He stares at Louis. It’s been nine months since you told me you loved someone else and left me in bed alone.

Louis doesn’t even miss a beat. ‘Nine months, that’s a bloody long time,’ he says. ‘Wait here let me get you a drink, we can catch up.’

‘I don’t…’ Harry pauses. ‘I don’t drink anymore… it does stuff-’

Louis holds his hand up. ‘I saw the press stories, it’s okay, I’ll get you a J20.’

Harry’s eyes widen and the idea of Louis seeing what the press have been saying about him and how he’s been on one massive bender for nearly a year.

Harry sits on a bar stool in complete shock. Louis gets back and shoves the promised J20 into his hand.

‘Don’t worry about it,’ Louis says when Harry opens his mouth to say thanks. ‘To be honest it’s pretty nice to catch up with other people. Zayn’s in the press room right now but as soon as he gets out he’ll want my attention. Bloody pop stars, you know the sort, eh?’

Harry nods not really knowing what to say. When it’s clear Louis waiting for him to say something he chokes out. ‘So how’s ballet?’

‘Oh it’s great,’ Louis says and launches into a funny story about a show which went wrong. Harry doesn’t really listen he’s so overwhelmed but laughs at points which seem appropriate.

‘So how’re you?’ Louis asks and Harry jumps because he hadn’t realised Louis had stopped talking.

‘Um, I’m good,’ He says. ‘Works good, life’s good, it’s all just good.’

‘You look thin,’ Louis comments motioning to Harry.

Harry blinks. ‘I… I.’

‘I’m only saying because I saw you on the cover of GQ this month,’ Louis says. ‘I mean, I’m not saying you didn’t look good. Reminded me of our nights together,’ Louis says pointedly.

He winks.

Harry stares at him. ‘How can you joke about that?’ He asks slowly.

Louis blinks.

Harry realises what he said. ‘I’m sorry,’ He says. ‘It’s nothing. I’ll just go…’

Louis puts a hand on his wrist when he starts to get up. ‘What do you mean?’ Louis asks.

‘I…’ Harry says. ‘Nothing, nothing. I’ve got to go.’

Louis doesn’t let go. His eyes are wide. ‘Oh god, did you think you and me were-’

Harry pulls his hand away and Louis’ still staring at him. Harry flushes because now Louis knows how he felt. How he still feels.

‘Bye,’ Harry says and rushes away.

Louis stares after him.

-

Liam his driver is waiting outside for him.

Harry runs through the rain to get into the car.

‘Mr Winston said you wouldn’t be out till later,’ Liam says.

‘I know,’ Harry closes the car door. ‘He’s going to kill me.’

Liam looks at him in his mirror.

It’s only then that Harry realises he’s crying. Crying again over bloody Louis Tomlinson.

‘Are you okay Mr Styles,’ Liam says.

Harry wipes the tears out of his eyes. He nods.

‘Yeah, yeah,’ he says. ‘I just, I really need to go home. Please take me home.’

Liam does and Harry tries to cry silently. When he stops outside Harry’s house in Primrose Hill Harry realises what he really needs.

‘Liam,’ he says. ‘Can I ask you a favour?’

‘Depends,’ Liam answers.

‘Will you take me home,’ Harry asks.

Liam frowns. ‘That’s where we are.’

‘To Holmes Chapel,’ Harry says. ‘I know it’s far but I can’t drive and I just…’

He stops talking and Liam nods. ‘Of course.’

Harry shakes his head. ‘No, no don’t I’m sorry that’s selfish of me, it’s too far, it’s stupid.’

Liam shakes his head. ‘No it’s okay. You’re my friend as well as my employer,’ Liam says. ‘You didn’t need to hire me, you just took pity.’

‘But I don’t even know if they still want me,’ Harry says quietly.

‘They’re your family’ Liam says. ‘They’ll always want you.’

‘Thank you,’ Harry says and Liam drives away from his house.

-

‘The rains getting heavier,’ Harry comments an hour down the road looking into the night sky.

‘It’s the last of the Spring rain though,’ Liam says. ‘Summers coming.’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much for reading. I've loved writing this. There's going to be one more chapter and an epilogue :)
> 
> Comments would be much appreciated!


	4. Summer

Harry’s mother freezes when she opens the door.

‘Oh, Harry,’ she says. ‘Oh, god.’

And suddenly Harry’s being pulled in for one of the longest hugs he’s had in a while.

There’s a thumping from behind him and Harry pulls away. It’s Gemma running down the stairs.

‘Harry,’ she says staring at him. ‘You came back.’

-

Summer is hot and dry. The Met Office issues a drought warning and the south of the U.K is given a water ban.

Ben calls and Harry refuses to answer.

-

Harry spends the first two weeks of being in Cheshire in the garden with Gemma.

She weaves flowers into his hair and tells him about the new job she’ll be starting in September.

She makes him lemonade and holds back on the sugar when she realises he’s trying to get over seeing food as the enemy.

She knows something’s wrong but doesn’t say anything. She knows she’ll tell him when he feels ready.

-

On the third week Louis calls.

It’s three in the morning when Harry sees his caller I.D. The summer nights are hot and he’d been kept awake.

He waits till the last second to answer.

‘Hello Louis.’

‘Harry,’ Louis says.

They stay silent for a while, neither knowing what to say.

‘Harry,’ Louis says again.

‘Why did you call Louis,’ Harry asks.

‘I just…’ Louis trails off. ‘I just wanted to say sorry.’

Harry is silent for a second. ‘Okay,’ he says and then blinks. ‘I mean… it’s okay Louis.’

‘I didn’t know,’ Louis says. ‘I thought it was just, you know… to pass the time and stuff.’

‘I know that now,’ Harry answers. ‘I guess I was just a little slow back then.’

There’s a pause before Louis answers.

‘You must have thought I was awful,’ Louis says. His voice cracks. ‘I mean, I came home to you with bruises on my neck and it was so obvious- you must have thought-’

He breaks off with a sort of strangled sound.

Harry shrugs even though Louis can’t see. ‘I ignored it.’

‘How could you ignore it?’ Louis says. ‘If Zayn…’

He falls silent. It doesn’t really need to be said.

‘Okay, I never really ignored it,’ Harry answers, eyes watering. ‘I- It was heart-breaking.’

‘I didn’t know,’ Louis whispers.

‘Well I didn’t tell you,’ Harry says back. ‘It’s okay.’

They’re both silent again.

‘Would it have made a difference?’ Harry says. ‘If I had said ‘I Love you’?’

Louis’ silence is deafening.

‘Harry,’ Louis finally says. ‘Harry you were my best friend. I was never… I couldn’t.’

Harry closes his eyes and wonders how he got himself into a state where he was just completely delusional.

‘I thought I’d spend the rest of my life with you,’ Harry says.

‘I’m sorry,’ comes the reply.

‘No,’ Harry says. ‘No stop apologising. It’s okay. It’s all okay. It’s nobody’s fault.’

‘Thank you,’ Louis breaths.

‘Bye Louis,’ Harry says.

‘Wait, wait,’ Louis says quickly. ‘Will I see you around? You were my best friend. I never understood why you just never spoke to me again till three weeks ago, so will I see you?’

Harry pauses. ‘Just give me some time,’ Harry says. ‘Let me just… give me some time.’

‘Okay,’ Louis says. He sounds sad. ‘Okay, bye Harry.’

‘Bye.’

-

‘So who were you talking to last night,’ His mother asks.

It’s the morning after and Harry and his mother are washing and drying the plates from breakfast.

It’s still awkward between them. After three years with no contact following an almighty row, it’s bound to be.

‘Just some boy,’ Harry says.

His mum raises an eyebrow. ‘A boy as in, a boy you’re with,’ she says. ‘Romantically.’

Harry stares at her. She hadn’t expected her to be so open about his sexuality, because after all, that had been the problem.

‘No,’ he finally says shaking his head. ‘I mean, I had thought… but no.’

‘A crush?’ His mum asks.

Harry shakes his head again. ‘We were together for a while,’ he says. ‘Thought it would be forever. But he’s gone now. I wish he would come back but there’s someone else. I think I liked him more than he liked me.’

His mum puts down the plate she’s washing. ‘Is that what’s wrong then?’ she asked. ‘The only other time I’ve seen you like this was when… when I told you to go.’

Harry stares at her.

‘I’m so sorry,’ she says. ‘I should have been there. I’m your mother. You deserved better.’

‘I’m back now,’ Harry says. ‘I’m back.’

‘I’m so glad,’ she says. She clears her throat. ‘I’ve seen what the press has been saying about you.’

Harry cringes. ‘I think I’m getting better.’

She nods. ‘When did he leave?’

‘About ten months ago,’ Harry says.

She looks at him. ‘Are you still sad?’

Harry shrugs. ‘I was so sad for so long. I didn’t think I’d ever not be sad again. Now I’m just numb.’

‘It’s tough,’ His mum says. ‘But if I know anything from my marriages, happiness always comes back.’

-

July comes and it’s still hot.

Gemma takes him to Manchester to see the art festival in Canal Street.

Harry buys a caricature of Justin Bieber for Niall.

‘Is he a fan?’ Gemma asks.

‘The opposite,’ Harry says. ‘He’s his lawyer.’

Gemma lets out a peel of laughter.

‘Jesus,’ Gemma says. ‘Must have his work cut out for him.’

He and Gemma walk down the lanes hand in hand laughing.

-

Gemma introduces Harry to her boyfriend of a year in late July.

He’s tall and kind of handsome in a rugged way. Not really Harry’s type but still.

‘You got a good one,’ he says to Gemma.

‘Hey!’ She swats him with his hand jokingly. ‘All mine.’

-

One evening they order pizza and Harry eats three slices without even thinking about his weight.

-

The heat finally breaks in early August.

It’s still warm but it’s much more bearable.

The permanent sun burn that Harry’s had on his nose for weeks now finally fades leaving a tan.

‘Last time a saw you, you were just a spotty teenager,’ Gemma says. ‘Now your one of those hot male models everyone talks about, how’d you manage it?’

They’re lying in a meadow just outside their village one evening.

‘I sip the blood of the innocent,’ Harry says. ‘Also I sacrifice virgins.’

Gemma frowns. ‘You’re going to have to teach me your methods.’

Harry laughs quietly

-

Mid-august Harry realises he’s been away two and a half months.

He didn’t think he ever would but he misses London.

He misses Niall’s antics and wants to be there to help plan Taylor and Cara’s wedding. In an odd way he even misses Ben.

He tells his mum he has to leave and she cries.

‘I just like you being here,’ she says. ‘I’ll miss you.’

Harry decides he’ll miss Cheshire too. He’ll miss his long walks with Gemma and cooking with his mum.

He’ll miss slowly being put back together.

-

The next morning Harry’s mum drives him back to London and they sing along to Taylor Swift far too loudly.

When they get to Primrose Hill his mum turns to him.

‘Promise me you’ll come back,’ she says.

‘I promise,’ Harry replies.

‘You’re always welcome at home.’

-

He calls Ben the next day.

‘About damn time you called,’ is the first thing Ben says.

‘Um… sorry?’ harry offers.

‘Do you know how many shoots I’ve had to cancel for you, huh?’

Harry sighs. ‘I have no idea.’

‘To damn many that’s for sure,’ Ben answers. ‘Now are you ready to do some proper work and get back in the game.’

‘Um, sure,’ Harry says. He’s suspicious because Bens being way too nice.

‘I get it’s been a hard year for you kid, but we’re going to put it all behind us now right?’ Ben continues.

‘Yeah,’ Harry says. ‘Yeah I am.’

-

Niall stares at the picture in his hand. Cara looks over his shoulder and giggles and Taylor sips on her wine trying not to smirk.

‘It’s a picture of Justin Bieber,’ he says in a monotone voice.

Harry grins proudly. ‘It’s a caricature,’ he says.

‘Looks pretty realistic to me.’ Niall mutters.

‘Well I thought you’d want a memento of one of your most famous clients,’ Harry says. ‘After all-’

Before he can finish his sentence Niall tackles him to the floor and starts to tickle him.

‘No,’ Harry laughs trying to throw him off. ‘Get away you pest.’

He hears laughter from Cara and Taylor shrieking about Niall spilling her wine.

He’s with his best friends and he’s finally happy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading, just the epilogue left :) It would be great to hear what you all think :)


	5. Epilogue

‘So did you find what you were looking for in Cheshire,’ Niall asks when he’s finally got Harry alone.

‘Yeah,’ Harry says. ‘Yeah I think I did.’

Niall grins. ‘I’m glad.’

-

September arrives and with it autumn.

Harry’s spent a year getting over Louis Tomlinson and he’s done it.

He’s finally done it.

-

‘I think I want a summer wedding,’ Taylor says one evening in late September.

The last dregs of the sun left over from summer are going away and Harry and Taylor are in his garden trying to soak them up.

‘Summer’s good,’ Harry replies. ‘Good things happen in the summer.’

‘It’s hot though,’ she says. ‘What season do you want to get married in?’

Harry shrugs. ‘I don’t mind,’ he says. ‘I just want it to be happy.’

Taylor nods. ‘We’ll find you someone to marry soon enough.’

Harry looks at her. ‘I’m happy now,’ Harry says. ‘I’m doing alright on my own, finally.’

Taylor shakes her head. ‘That’s not what I meant,’ Taylor says. ‘I know you’re happy on your own, you don’t need a partner to be happy.’

They’re both silent for a minute.

‘I think that’s what makes the love you’ll have in the future so special,’ Taylor says. ‘You’ve finally learned how to be happy alone. So, when you meet that special person you’ll be able to say I’m with you because I love you, not because I need you.’

-

The next summer Taylor gets what she wants.

She and Cara marry in a small church near Aldenham Country Park, just outside London and it’s beautiful.

There’s not many people there, just a couple of family and friends. Harry can’t believe the paparazzi haven’t caught wind of it. They’re lucky.

The past year’s been good for Harry. He’s been flitting between London and Cheshire trying to make up for lost time with his family. Ben’s been pleased with him about his modelling. He doesn’t say it out loud but Harry knows he’s fond.

He hasn’t been looking actively for a boyfriend. He doesn’t feel the need for one. He’s happy how he is right now.

It’s the beginning of summer again and his two of his best friends are getting married. What more could he want?

At the reception Taylor grabs his hand and pulls him off the dance floor.

‘There’s someone I want you to meet,’ she says.

She takes his hand again and leads him over to the bar.

She taps a tall man on the shoulder. He turns around and grins at her.

‘Swifty!’ He says pulling her into a hug. ‘Congrats and all. Didn’t get to see you till now.’

‘Thanks Nick,’ she says pulling back from the hug.

‘Listen,’ Taylor says. ‘This is Harry Styles. I don’t know if you’ve heard of him.’

Nick looks over to Harry who’s stayed silent for the whole time. Harry notices Nick quickly give him the once over and Harry feels as though he should have worn his tighter trousers.

‘Yeah,’ Nick says looking at him. ‘You’re that model, right?’

‘And you’re that radio presenter, right?’ Harry says cheekily and grins.

‘I’ll see you two later,’ Taylor says and ducks out.

Nick is funny and handsome and flirts with Harry in a way that no one has in a while, so when the reception ends Harry lets Nick come home with him.

It’s been two years since Harry’s been with someone so he’s nervous. Nick notices and is gentle with him.

In a way it feels like his first time all over again.

-

In the morning Harry wakes up and briefly panics because the beds empty and he doesn’t want to have been left alone again.

The smell of cooking has filtered through the room though and Harry relaxes when he realises that it could only be Nick.

He pads into the kitchen in only his boxers and Nick stares at him.

‘You know you’re really quite gorgeous,’ he says.

Harry grins. ‘I know,’ he replies. ‘There’s a reason why I’m nominated for male model of the year for the London Fashion Awards.’

‘Modest too,’ Nick jokes. ‘Everything I like in a man.’

‘I’d say the same about you,’ Harry says and Nick grins at him.

‘Why?’ he replies. ‘Want to keep me?’

‘Maybe,’ Harry answers.

Nick smirks. ‘Come on Styles,’ he leads him towards the table. ‘I hope you like sausages.’

‘You know it,’ Harry says.

-

Once Harry Styles had honestly believed he would spend the rest of his life with Louis Tomlinson. He’d imagined getting married in a small chapel somewhere in the country side with just a couple of friends and family. They’d get a dog and take it on long walks through the woods near the cottage that they had brought together. He’d imagined adopting some kids, two girls and a boy he had thought. They’d grow old together and fall in love over and over again.

But Louis had left and now Harry had Nick.

Harry hadn’t planned his life with Nick. He hoped he had one but he hadn’t planned it out.

He and Nick took every day as it came. Nick would get up at god awful hours to go and talk for four hours on the breakfast show and then go over to Harry’s and fuck him until he couldn’t walk. They’d spend the day together and walk Nick’s dog through Primrose Hill. Nick would come and watch Harry at all the fashion shows that he could. He’d make sure Harry was eating and secretly bought all the magazines he could find with Harrys face on it.

Sometimes they argued over pointless crap to the extent where they were yelling at each other from across the kitchen and avoid each other for days.

But they always ended up in the same place. Their bed upstairs in Harry’s house (which was quickly becoming Nicks as well judging by the crap he had strewed around) having sex and giggling like teenagers.

Sometimes Harry can’t believe he spent a year of his life mourning Louis. It feels like a dream sometimes.

Louis and Zayn are now his friends, held at arms-length of course because it’s still awkward for Harry and Louis, knowing how badly they messed things up. It’s even more awkward for Zayn knowing that Harry had once felt as though he’d taken his place.

 But Harry doesn’t feel the same longing he once did when he sees them together. The engagement ring on Louis finger or the light in Zayn’s eyes when he looks at Louis doesn’t hurt him like it once could have.

Because Harry’s with Nick now. And while Nick isn’t a sure thing, he knows he’s loved and he knows he’s wanted. He doesn’t see that changing anytime soon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much for reading! I've really loved writing this (and this is actually the first finished chaptered fic I've put out so whoop).
> 
> There will be a SEQUAL!!! I think I'm going to call it 'The Harbor' or something. But yeah, this isn't Harry's happy ending just yet. 
> 
> I'll post on here when the first chapters up :)
> 
> I'd love to hear what you guy's thought :)


	6. Chapter 6

Hey! Just to let you know, I've posted the second part of this series. It's called 'The Harbor'. If you read it, I hope you enjoy it.


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